Tuesday, March 30, 2010

When there is an up..... along comes a down point

WARNING... a lil on the not so happy train!!!

Yet again its been way to long between posts, not that i haven't wanted to blog but my headspace hasn't been in a very good place as of late. You know one of those downward spirals you just seem to struggle to find your feet on.... That's where i have been at... a lot of self hate due to my decision making and yet again it all comes down to the well known stupid excuse "Emotional Eating"

Is the question i continue to ask why do i self sabotage myself time and time again when the end result is straight up simple I FEEL LIKE SHIT afterwards, does it satisfy the emotion ...NO, has it helped the problem...NO, will i learn from it I BLOODY HOPE SO... is doing this getting me to my goals and "happy place"... NO.
I know this is where i need to kick myself in the ass and gain control but why do i always wait for someone else to shake the shit out of me and say "snap out of it" It's not going to happen!!!
If i want to achieve results, if i want to head in the directions where i want to be ONLY I can make this happen. I just need to remind myself each and everyday what i want, why i want it, and how i am going to get it. Take each day as it comes.

On the other hand.... Training has been going great its been very consistent since comp in Sept. I'm really hopping i have put on some nice muscle and able to present a more balanced and improved physique i already can see changes in my body shape as compared to pre-comp last year which is good : ) 5 weeks and the games for me begin, I'm really looking forward to comp prep to begin i really enjoy the whole experience i learnt a lot about myself last year and different ways the body responds to exercise, foods, sleep, emotions. Not only that i know what I'm in for this year hehe its not going to be a walk in the dark woods it will be a pretty clear path ahead of me!

I really want to thank some of the great support out there in blog land, i have made some awesome friends a special mention to Kristin and Tiarna you girls rock thank you for listening to me and helping me through the tough times i hope i can be there for you girls when the road is a bit rocky!!!

This Friday I'm training with Kristin at my gym ( i love having the keys to my gym hehe) I'm really looking forward to it and the catch up : ) I'm pretty new to the training with people but i have already learnt lots from others.

It's my Birthday this Saturday and some events have come up for that Thursday night work dinner, Friday my dads birthday , Saturday Picnic at the Beach and Sunday BLOODY EASTER! Why is the world full of temptations ahhhh hehe! Just have to remind my self i have the choice of what i want to do in situations like this WISH ME LUCK hehe!


  1. go girl... you're awesome and i know you'll find that headspace again... not long to go and i know you'll be 100% focused. love ya xoxo

  2. Hi Hannah,

    I've been following your blog for a couple of months now and thought now was a good time to go public in my stalking!! Just wanted to let you know that in spite of (well, probably because of) what you might see as your faults you are a real inspiration to me. I never thought someone like me who struggled with self-sabotage and emotional eating etc would ever be able to compete in figure but you've done it and I reckon that's pretty amazing. These things always seem to go in cycles, so I'm sure you'll be back on the 'up' soon, esp. when you have comp prep to focus on.
    Anyway that's just my 2 cents, thanks for sharing your journey and I look forward to following all your successes at the next comps!! Amy :-)

  3. Hey Hanni,
    Sorry to hear that you are feeling a bit crappy at the moment, its terrible how we all seem to go through these emotional down times where we beat ourselves up & dig holes for ourselves, but you are right....only you can snap yourself out of it, just got to take the good with the bad;-)
    We are all here to support you & you are an awesome chicky who is very supportive to all of us & inspiring also!!!! Sending lots of strength & positive energy your way x

  4. Hang in there girl, you know it will pass. You've found that focus before, you know you've got it in you so you will find it again. The time will come, don't beat yourself up too much girl!

  5. Hi Hanni

    Gawd I can SO relate to you this past week just gone chick (all in my latest blog). The sh*t emotional stuff is crap hey and makes us outa control when we SO don't want to be! Good to vent on the bloggies too and we're all here cheerin' and backing ya all the way. SO wishing you the very best with your comp prep xo

  6. Hey girl,
    Course I don't mind you 'stealing' the poem. A good friend gave it to me when I really needed last comp prep. The post last night was as much for me as anyone else struggling.
    Hope you have a nice long weekend and can avoid the chocolate. I'll be doing my best.

  7. Where do you get your awesome blog pics! And I've felt the same of late but it somehow gives me comfort to now others are going through the same thing. But we can and will overcome it. We just one truly kick ass team!!! Hahaha :)