Monday, October 31, 2011

The journey has been, the storm has come and now I'm riding the waves!

Since my last post lots has happened.....
I competed in my very first IFBB show WOOHOO a major goal i was wanting to achieve this year. It took a lot in my head to stay committed to this show as i was extremely scared to go into a non tested show as a natural i constantly worried i just wasn't going to be good enough and that i would not look right up on that stage. Well i had a ball and i am so glad i did this show what a great experience :) To make it up on the stage was just amazing but to even be in quite a number of call outs i left this show feeling satisfied and proud of myself : ) i am told that i came 4th out of a pretty big line up so im pretty pumped about that as well.

So what was the next plan...... I had booked in a photo shoot and was planning to also do the INBA Universe but in the end cancelled photo shoot and decided that my heart was not in it to do the Universe as it was not really in "the plan" anyway it was just a "what's 2 more weeks dieting? heck i'll do it" well in the end my head just didn't want to go there again and i was more then satisfied with what i had achieved in the 2 shows i had planned to do : ) In total 2 x 1st places a 4th and a 5th. Not only that i have also scored an amazing sponsorship with a fantastic company Nutrition Warehouse which i am extremely overwhelmed by : )

Here comes the bit that i was scared of the most... The aftermath.... FOOD.... FOOD and more FOOD!!! As you may know i work with macro nutrients and after my comps my coach gave me my new macros & cardio plan to work with which basically doubled my intake.... was that enough apparently NOT!!! For the past 3 weeks i have been battling hard with the constant head games of gorging myself :( I really thought i would have handled this much better and some days i am totally feeling in control and stick to the plan other days i just lose it and find myself alone eating like there is about to become a famine :( No seriously the average person would think yeah what ever Hannah i literally eat until i hurt :( I eat food i don't even like, i hate how it makes me feel, i hate how i look and the spiral continues and guess what more food!!! I was even so embarrassed to tell my coach but finally decided it was best i brought it up he told me more people go through this then you think! I remember after my last comp i felt like one day i woke up and i was 10kg heavier ( which was only week after my comp) Not only that with my first comp my starting weight was 62kg stage weight 52kg i tipped the scales at 67kg at the beginning of 2010 and i promised myself i would never do that again. 2011 my starting weight was 64kg i got as low as 51kg for stage and now i am sitting between 54-57kg depending on obviously if i have had a gorging session or not!
After my first comp i planned to do another comp a year later in 2010 i couldn't i had smashed my metabolism so much that my body just would not respond when trying to drop weight this was when i started working with my coach and for the rest of 2010 to pre comp prep we worked on getting my metabolism fired up again! I do not want to go down that path again. I know that stage weight is not maintainable i do know you need to put on a little bit of weight my aim is to keep it minimal as possible. If i do not take control of these binges ASAP this will not happen. I am the only one that can make this happen. I have some had amazing support from some special guys and girls and i want to thank them all so much! Today is a brand new day and i am ready to take action! Winners are made in the offseason... I want to live a healthy, happy lifestyle. And at the end of the day what i want is all that matters. My life... My choices! Today is the day WITH OR WITHOUT MY MOJO i start preparing the stepping stones to my next goal. No one can prepare you for post comp blues and it was something that was on the back of my mind through prep.
I can't thank Mick enough for supporting me through all these highs and lows he has been amazing the belief he has in me is just utterly amazing! I would not achieved what i have without his encouragement, love and passion for this sport as well. THANK YOU MICK :)
Well the show must go on... Time to slog out another weights session... new program... new mindset... NEW ME : )

1 comment:

  1. Oh gosh I'm sorry. I competely, totally, know how you feel. I did that. But I did it for like 6 months. I just couldn't control it. Finally, finally, I have gotten to a good place again. But with 10 extra pounds that I now want gone! You can do it, keep your eye on that prize. And great job with the sponsorship!